Top 6: Reasons Why Men Cheat

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I am sorry if my previous words evoke some bad feelings inside you. While knowing absolutely everything might not be a good idea between spouses, if you keep the affair secret, that's a very important fact about you to keep secret. He still gets to live his life with you and the kids, but he also gets his sexual needs met.

If only there were more real men like you out there: Keep up the good work. The uptick in these numbers over time is due to one primary, and simple, reason: Women today have the same opportunities to cheat as guys have always had, says Dr. Most are easily able to detach any emotion from it - its simply wonderful fun and very healthy.

9 Reasons Men Cheat On Good Women

Judging from some of the comments that post received, a number of readers thought I might be ignoring the other half of the equation—men who cheat. Men are somewhat different than women when it comes to cheating, and a lot of that difference arises from the fact that men tend to define rather loosely. Most women would disagree; for proof, heterosexual male readers could just ask their wife or girlfriend what she thinks. So does viewing porn count as infidelity. If it does, then a lot of men are cheaters. How about if you are complaining to this other person about your current relationship. Back in why men cheat on good women days, the concept of cheating was pretty straightforward: It involved actual in-the-flesh sexual contact. But now, a man in Paris, Texas can mutuallyvia webcam, with a woman in Paris, France. Some men may argue that, as men, it is their biological imperative or right to have with as many women as possible. In their opinion, they need to spread their seed and propagate the because, apparently, they and they alone sit atop the Darwinian sexual food chain. I hear this and similar excuses constantly in my practice. I further discuss with them the idea that infidelity is not defined by any specific act sexual or otherwisebut rather by the keeping of secrets in an. In other words, a guy can have as much sex outside his relationship as he wants, however and wherever he wishes, as long as he is doing it with integrity—nono double-life, and no keeping secrets from his primary partner. The underlying message: Honesty and relationship transparency is the only meaningful path to genuine intimacy, not to mention personal integrity and. But the bottom line is that the cheater never fully gets what he wants—a clean getaway—because infidelity is nearly always discovered eventually, and when that happens it inevitably comes with devastatingly painful consequences. He never intended to be monogamous, despite his commitment. This man views monogamy as something to be worked around rather than embraced. Deep down, he feels that he is too young, too old, too fat, too thin, too poor, too stupid, or too whatever to be desirable. Perhaps he is acting out early experiences, such as physical abuse, neglect, or sexual abuse. His formative wounds have left him unable or unwilling to fully commit himself to another person. He may also seek sexual intensity outside his relationship as a way to self-medicate escape from his emotional and psychological pain. When this spouse inevitably fails him in his viewhe feels entitled to seek intimate elsewhere. Or maybe he wants more attention from his mate and thinks a period of pulling away will cause her to comply. He does not understand that in truly lovingthe early, visceral is gradually replaced by sweeter feelings of longer-termhonesty, commitment, and emotional intimacy. Perhaps he has an ongoing, problematic relationship with or that affects his why men cheat on good women disinhibits him. He may also have an issue with sexual compulsivity, meaning he uses sexual activity as a way to self-soothe, escape uncomfortable emotions, and dissociate from the pain of underlying psychological conditions. Having undervalued his healthy need to maintain solid, supportive friendships and community with other men, his reaction to a busy or distracted spouse is all the more injurious—as he expects all of his emotional and physical needs to be met by this one person read: Mom. The profound and repeated betrayal of relationship trust causes the most pain. And most cheated-on partners will agree that their feelings of being betrayed are just as profound when a loved why men cheat on good women is giving himself away online as when there is a live, in-vivo affair. Unsurprisingly, the emotional damage caused by infidelity can be difficult to overcome, even with the help of an experienced or couples counselor. That said, if both partners are committed to behavior change and healing, most relationships can be saved, even strengthened, after and despite an affair. For some wives and spouses, however, the repeated violation of trust is too much; they are unable to experience the necessary emotional safety required to rebuild a relationship and move on. In such cases, solid, neutral relationship can help to help negotiate a break-up, offering direction for both individuals to move on with their lives. Jennifer Schneider of both and the upcoming 2013 release,along with numerous peer-reviewed articles and chapters. You are quite right about the core problem being the secret. Even if the person being cheated on doesn't figure it out, he or she can feel the increased emotional distance caused by the effort the why men cheat on good women person must make to keep the why men cheat on good women. Polyamory might have more integrity, but people in such arrangements always seem to feel so constrained to reassure others that these are high-quality, caring relationships. How much energy do they have to manage more than one sexually intimate, emotionally available relationship and the rest of their lives as well. While you may in some cases be correct, I have seen couples in which the 'cheater' out of love or guilt, redoubles their attentiveness and loving behavior toward their primary partner. This may be especially true when the cheater really loves that partner, but finds their loved one's total disinterest in sex to be unresolvable, even with all sort of therapy. Hey, some folks just don't like or at some point in life, or due to some medications or aging or disease or whatever, just don't want to have sex - and begrudging sex can be less satisfying than no sex at all. For us it was a release of tension and sexual frustration. I think it was less a matter of redoubling efforts at home than being better able to make a normal effort. Resentment of my spouses lower libido and my unmet needs left me angry all the time and unable to be a good partner. I suppose that leads to the question: Can an adulterer be a good partner. I don't know the answer to that. I do think I was a better partner during my affair. By no means perfect, but we were all happier. I can very much relate though with me it is not a mere difference of drive. I think it will be better at home when I'm not continuously haunted by what part of life I'm missing out on. I've always been an attentive spouse and when I've stepped out that has never changed, so I'm sure as long as it's discreet there will be no harm. Affairs end for many reason, not always through discovery. Just divorce, break up leave whatever but don't go trying to have your cake and eat it too. It's wrong for the most I portent person in the relationship. Based on your presentation, as long as you keep it discreet from people you know with exception to your spouse, there should be no harm. Your spouse is someone you should be able to tell if you are assuming there is not harm in you actions. Otherwise you are either deceiving yourself, your spouse, or both of you. This conversation begins with the premise that cheating can't be good and it must be destructive. Imagine the case of someone whose partner is disabled or distracted or otherwise unable to respond, to one degree or another, it is a shame that we cannot nourish and support the involvement of another person. Not in an ideological sense, as a movement, which is mindless, especially under the banner of freedom, but with the clear knowledge that sexual communication is a form of love and find a way to be generous and distribute it without treating it as a kind of commodity to be owned. Affairs might generally fall short of honest monogamy but neither are they in a class with crimes or moral degeneration. By how they appear on the surface, not who they actually are. Wow didn't know cheaters even lied to themselves. So would you feel that your wife was a good partner if she slept with other men. Lol to answer your question: no. You were not a good partner in fact, you were one of the worst partners imaginable. I thought the statement incredibly harsh: there should be a compensatory line most young men are sold the joke was monogamy from a society that has not escaped the clutches of religious hegemony. If young men were told that 50% of you will be bored to tears by marital sex within 3 years - and that's if you're getting it then perhaps marriage itself would drop even further. Ie the lies that we feed to your men are only reflected back at us by their lies and confusion when they realise they've been 'had' themselves. While knowing absolutely everything might not be a good idea between spouses, if you keep the affair secret, that's a very important fact about you to keep secret. It's probably one of the extraordinary relationships you have ever had. It might be better than your married one if you don't intend to break with your wife or husband and you are just responding to needs, or charm, or beauty, or friendship leading to intimacy. It doesn't exactly lead to emotional distance. It does mean that you have stopped totally confiding in a most significant of persons in your life. This falls short of respect, in a way. You pretend there is no diversion of energy. It costs you energy to lie, and your spouse is being cheated in another sense than usual thought; you cheat her from knowing you and from knowing there is a potential risk to the relationship. Secret cheating might in some cases lead to emotional distance and divorce. It can also lead to some relaxation of the demands in the marriage allowing the so-called 'cheater' to stop bugging his or her less interested partner, and maybe even start acting nicer than before And then they might get on with the other tasks of marriage raising kids, caring for relatives, minimizing taxes, maintaining a life that one otherwise loves with a person one otherwise loves - after all sex is not everything. Not saying that always happens, but neither does the poop storm that some here suggest as inevitable. Better yet if a couple can be open and agree to such an arrangement, but that's so out of the norm in our society at least publicly that it often is not even considered. But for goodness sake, let's let go of the idea and ideal that people cannot dream, fantasize or masturbate privately. That's being human and all the research indicates that most people do it. The suffering comes when so called experts condemn such behavior thoughts are not a crime but they are a human behavior as immoral or just not right, and so create the spiral of guilt that they then claim is the inevitable outcome of such. It amazes me how many so-called educated people post crap regarding relationships. Not every man who cheats is insecure; not every man who cheats has some type of issue. What about women who are in relationships who don't give their man enough attention. What about women who are in relationships who don't give their man enough sex. If the word cheating in a relationship were widened to include reducing the amount of sex given to a man once married I think we would see a lot less use of the word. Most men want regular sex and most want adventurousness to boot. Recent surveys showed the reason men stopped being interested in their wives was lack if adventure. Most blokes I know do fucking tons - hh chores, cooking, diy, fixing the car and so on and they get nothing sexually in return. This generation of women are damaged goods from extreme liberalism and a gross misunderstanding and misrepresentation of biology. How many women now would get married if they saw a pro-nup saying refusal of specific sexual needs more than twice a week without mitigating factors illness will result in divorce with financial recompense Then the psychotherapists will chime in about women's libidos and moods etc in a feminist defense. But by their own admission women why men cheat on good women not get aroused initially - they get into after 10 mins physical arousal. So when a woman says she's not in the mood, she's doesn't even f'king know. That's what is so hilarious about all the wonky analysis. You hit the nail squarely on the head. Also the woman who lets herself go, gains 100 lbs. I don't want to cheat but it's either that or leave my children with her. If not for the children, I'd be, Gone in 60 Seconds. Your comment only serves to rationalize your cheating. In any instance that you have stated- your responsibility would be to leave the relationship, or, at the very least to tell your partner what your issues were, so that she was able to make an informed choice. You have all the info--they don't. I was really missing my wife when she left me for someone else. I was weak to take care of some situations and i let her slip my arms. I had to talk to my partner at the office who recently got her husband back. She told me to get in touch with John Patience who helped her get her husband back with a love spell. I was very sure of this because John has helped my partner get her husband back. So i called John Patience and told him i lost my lover and wanted her back. He encouraged me and told me to be happy. He did his thing and told me my wife will be back in 45 hours. I waited for that time and my wife called me and told me that she has forgiven me and ready to take me back in her life. Since then, my wife and i have been enjoying our marriage with our lovely 4 kids. I am very grateful to John for what he has done for me. I'd advice you to ask him for help if you why men cheat on good women any problem on your relationship and some other aspects why men cheat on good women life. His email is blessings434 gmail. Anonymous Number 1 - your argument makes sense about the people with strong drives wanting many partners. It does not, however, explain why they cheat on those partners. There are many polyamorous people out there. There are plenty of people who happily proclaim that I am not here for a committed relationship. As I try to categorize each person I have come across who has cheated, I can easily place them into one of these categories as a non-professional. Based on what I read recently, there really are not many polyamorous relationships. There are more open marriages, but most of them are not practicing the 'open' part because it does not work out well in the end. I spoke with him extensively, including suggesting he patch of his relationships, before realizing the situation was becoming a time suck and he probably wanted something more, as well as beginning to comprehend the person that might be damaged and inconvenienced most could be me. I'd make 11: because the opportunity arises. A man who never cheats on his wife because no other woman would have him isn't exactly a moral person. Nonetheless I'm sure many a cheater man and woman simply thinks why should I stick to one food when I'm one of the lucky few who has the entire run of the buffet. My only issue with this article is the inclusion of porn use under the category of cheating. I understand that it's the keeping of a secret that defines cheating, but I still would not identify secret porn use as cheating unless the porn use involves sexting or video sex with a real person. Ultimately, masturbating to porn a few times per week, or month, is the kind of thing that should not be kept secret from a spouse. There should be no reason to keep it secret, because it's pretty innocuous in my opinion. When a large percentage of men partake in a particular activity, like masturbating to porn, that activity passes out of the realm of deviant behavior and should be considered normalized. Thus if the choice is between a secret habit that does no harm, and constant marital strife over it, by all means keep it a secret. In fact, go to extra lengths to keep it a secret--use Private Browsing, only do it when the spouse isn't home, etc. If we're talking about compulsive porn use that does interfere with the sexual relationship between two people--i. There is a problem in the relationship but there's no need to broaden the definition of cheating by calling it such. I totally agree with your comment. While porn can be a problem, it can also be the only outlet some people mainly men have in relationships in which one partner has opted out on sex. This inclusion of porn as cheating reflects the author's sex negative attitude. Does being judgmental like this help or hinder therapy. Sure sometimes cheating is just being greedy and taking advantage, but sometimes we find problems that are not, and perhaps cannot be, resolved in any better why men cheat on good women. Better ways, well that's up to the couple or one partner's best judgment - not Dr. Weiss's or any other therapist's. Really, encouraging people to lie and hide with porn. This clearly shows lack of trust in a relationship and a porn additiction - now, not saying it's strong or whatever, but if you can't go without porn, there's something wrong with you. Many women in relationships treat porn as cheating and they have the right to do so, especially if in the begging you decided not to do such things or whatever. Not mentioning how much you undermine your partner's self-esteem. You fantazise about other women, look at them and emotionally disatach yourself from your partner. You claim this habit does no harm, but you can find many articles, even on this website, that will prove you otherwise. There's a difference between masturbation to porn and without porn. People who watch porn against their partners act very selfish. You should find a partner who's okay with that and also enjoys watching it. I am an extremely visual female. I do not have a need for porn. Men are also known to be extremely visual. I recall reading about many men having a visual memory of various females in their life. If so, why are they not resorting to these memories instead of referencing porn. If the spouse sees it as an issue, then it is an issue. Strangely enough, the 'no harm in it' argument is also used by men that have affairs. Also, from what I read, 'porn' used to avoid having sexual intimacy with one's partner is definitely an issue and some people may regard it as cheating. If you can't be honest with your spouse about it, it is definitely cheating. Weiss suggests here veers dangerously close to thought crime. Is masturbation without the use of pornography, but only to images concocted in a man's brain, cheating. How about fantasizing about other women during sex. How about fantasizing about other women without having sex with them. In the same vein, his positions are too absolute. Consider the male spouse with a chronically ill wife whose illness has made it impossible to have sex for many years, but the wife has made her position clear: any of Weiss' criteria for cheating, from real life affairs to porn to flirtation, is cheating for her. Meanwhile, the guy suffers the loss of one of a key biological drive, but does not want to be divorced, since that would be cruel. Can you really tell this man not to watch porn. I was told I needed to take every thought captive or I would end up in hell forever as a child. I was also told if I followed my key biological drive as you aptly said, I would go to hell. Good on you for pointing out the psychological prison that men are being stuffed into after a billion years of evolution. Sex is the strongest driving force for behavior across all species that reproduce sexually, including the upper primates. I don't condone cheating by any stretch, by the way. If you want to have sex with someone else, get the divorce first; otherwise you're just plain rude. Incredible that this was published in a reputable psychology journal. Perhaps a helpful follow-up would be an article giving advice to women and men on how to make their partners feel fulfilled, loved, and secure. Worse yet than illness, what if the wife is just disinterested without a valid reason. She would rather knit, play games, social media, ect, and is more than content to go months on end neglecting the other person. A lot of guys feel like this, itself is cheating since it was not the way the relationship was when they made their vows. This article seems like it was written to make people feel better that they got cheated on rather than go into to real variety of reasons people actually cheat. There is never an excuse for cheating. If there are problems then try and work them out. If that doesn't work then end the relationship with some diognity and respect before moving on to the next person. Actually give yourself some time to recover before finding someone else. Cheating is the coward's way out. At least when the cheating is discovered we get the chance to rid ourselves of what is not worth the effort and move on. Love is not enough, a relationship needs trust and respect to thrive. Cheating is the coward's way out. Of course you would say that. You're the one being cheated on. I'm currently in a relationship. I am in the process of cheating. But is it cheating when this person that I just started seeing doesn't seem to have the time of day for me. In the meanwhile, I will spend time with other women and let her see me once per week like she has been. I'm not the one taking the other for granted. I'm the one who isn't getting my needs met properly, so I'm simply doing what I need to do. Ending it doesn't help anything. Mansack, yes, I've noticed that men repeatedly look to sex to get over a relationship, but quicker to recover. It's not uncommon for men to wistfully declare their ex's as the love of his life or to get beet-red angry when talking about the ex years later. Statistically, single women do better solo than men do. And there's this huge assumption in these comments that men cheat, including use porn, because of no sex at home. Also, Weiss didn't say sex outside the partnership was okay if it's open, non-secret only. He added: if the partner was okay with it. There has to be agreement that if both parties have sex with others, it is okay. The both parties part I suspect is why so few men have taken him up on it. Well, since the chronically ill wife is also doing without sex while dealing with chronic illness besidesI guess he's not really the only one being asked to sacrifice, is he. These hypotheticals always use the 'sick spouse' as an excuse that makes the 'well' spouse an object of pity, but somehow always neglects to consider what the sick spouse is missing out on as well. I love sex, but not so much that I would hurt my spouse in order to get it. When I got married, I became part of a team. I couldn't justify breaking those vows, and the hurt it would cause my spouse, just for a roll in the hay. All of these justifications in these comments just go to show where the priorities are. Sex is important, but not as important as air, food, or water. Whether one chooses to do so and keep a relationship promise, or chooses to fulfill sexual urges over keeping vows is something each person has to why men cheat on good women. But each person has to realize that he or she is ranking these things in importance, and that will have an effect on his or her life. As a woman with mutiple betrayals by my ex. Your article is amazing and right on the money having been there. I see many men here want to justify porn, can you really say that you find your wives just as attractive and turned on by them after a session in private with porn. I have more orgasms than her per day every day. I am more that willing at every offer and do my romantic dance to get any extras she is willing to offer. After that I take care of it, which feels like a complete second place to her. Porn just allows me to spare my wife the entire burden of my libido. My wife and I both watch porn and masturbate when we are alone. Although we are not engaging with sex with any other partners, we would be labeled swingers by this article. Maybe men cheat because their wives dont have sex with them very often or at alland they don't feel like they should be begging for a basic need. Maybe constant nagging and emascilation is doing it, or her insensitivity to his anatomy women should take a man sized dose of testosterone and see the effects. Better yet, check out the studies on female rodents given testosterone, and how behavior changes they castrated male mice and gave them a large dose of estrogen in the same study, I believe. If your man cheats on you, leave. Why did you stick around for multiple events if it was so traumatic. Very one sided article, not written in an unbiased manner at all. I hold two graduate degrees and my bachelors' is in psychology. This article would be more at home in Cosmo than this publication. And modern women know how to milk it for what all it's worth. Next we'll have govt funded programs to help women get over being cheated on - of course the psychotherapists would lap that up. There are plenty of women who adore their men, love sex, have it a lot and are still blindsided because their sweetheart got flattered at a 48-hour conference away from home. Don't assume that because somebody stopped wanting you that we all stopped wanting the men we loved and deserve to be cheated on. Be careful; despite your earlier claim that men get over relationships more quickly, you've got that pissed-forever-tone going on, as well as the ability to turn it all onto your partner. Angie love, please don't project your pain on to me. The specifics of the 48 hour conference were the give away. The frustrated tones are a function of my ongoing irritation with the public's and psychologists ignorance of male sexuality. Weiss' is pandering to folks like yourself - he wants you to take affront, he wants to bolster feminist support - the book launches, the speaker circuit etc - it's all about simple venality. The biggest point of all which Weiss doesn't want you to hear is that men and why men cheat on good women women just love sex as recreation with fresh partners. Most are easily able to detach any emotion from it - its simply wonderful fun and very healthy. What Weiss and religious bigots try to do is stamp a whole bunch of guilt on to the situation. In your first article about why women cheat, you provided a very good list of the fundamental reasons. Aside from personal psychological issues like narcissism and unrealistic expectationsthings like loneliness, lack of intimacy, lack of sex, etc. On the men's list, however, it's as if a man never has any justifiable reason to be unhappy in his relationship -- ever. Why men cheat on good women reason a man cheats seems to stem from the fact that he is psychologically broken somehow. He is either a liar, immature, narcissistic, bored, or just plain damaged your word, not mine. It why men cheat on good women absolutely no room for the same devastating void that can be left behind when a wife becomes emotionally withdrawn from the marriage. Let's be clear here; cheating is never justifiable. But at least we can sometimes understand why a person would be driven to making that mistake. At least if that person were a woman anyway. Men just seem to cheat because they're immature assholes according to this article. I find it to be ironic too, since you took such great care in your first article to make sure your audience knew that you were not a misogynist. I think your mission there was accomplished. Weiss is utter bunk, pandering to the established western world view of marriage and sexuality. His inconsistencies are astounding as you pointed out. I've been cheating stupid use of the word anywayfor decades. Tried rationalizing with my wife - her lack of interest in sex and more importantly her repressed attitude towards sexual adventure. She even begged me not to divorce because she felt being unsatisfied sexually was not a valid reason. I am now very happily cheating and with the help of my infinity wise psychiatrist, have led a very happy life since. To all the cheaters out there: there's no need to feel guilty as Weiss clearly wants you to. You have a right to happiness and sometimes the price of that is to diminish the ridiculous societal icons like sexually monogamous marriage that have been erected esp by the monotheisms for millennia. Why should anyone forego one of the greatest joys of life - their sexuality - because their significant other is too limited in emotional intelligence or even too selfish to understand the importance to their partner even after councilling. A small hint: many women are not into sex because their men don't know how to please them, how to give not just to take. Cheating is a betrayal, a lie, a deceipt. There is no shortcut around that. Unless you enjoy and accept to be cheated on, there is no way how you can excuse yourself from hurting others. That goes for both genders regardless of the underlying reasons. Unfortunately not everyone has my openhearted attitude and I didn't when I was your age I'm assuming you are way younger and so more idealistic and jealous than I am now. But beyond your question is the nasty accusation that I can't please my wife and that I'm a taker and not a giver. I want to give and be appreciated, not give where it is not in any which way wanted - not because I'm not a great lover or not a kind person, but just because my mate is totally done with sex as she expressed to our therapist it's not like we didn't try for months and years and we have otherwise a great relationship so I don't want to ruin it by hurting her. You obviously have some issues to work on yourself - perhaps you were cheated on, perhaps you can's satisfy someone or so your mate told you, or perhaps you are so obsessed with perfect honesty that the real world offends you. Or maybe you're just a self-righteous fill in a disparaging term here. Now, go take care of yourself and let other people make their own decisions based on what's really happening in their lives and not on your own preconceived imagination of what could be happening; you sad little person. I am sorry if my previous words evoke some bad feelings inside you. I am not responsible how you interpreted my words. Were you suggesting that cheaters should not feel bad when they hurt others they love. Do you accept to be betrayed and lied to by people you love. I have not tried to accuse you from anything. I don't know you and you don't know me. You know the best what it means to you and you can take this as a feedback. We all have emotional scars, you and I are no exceptions but I chose peace and understanding of myself and others rather than attacking them. You don't have to be a woman to know that orgasm was and still is a very male dominated world. Female orgasm is much more complex than males and hopefully things are improving now. Women do not enjoy sex because thay either don't get much pleasure out off it - many men don't like to get down on women and are only interested in their own orgasm google some men's forums Another important factor is that when a woman is emotionally distant with her partner, this makes orgasm impossible to happen. Woman needs to trust her man to enjoy sex. And so if a normally healthy and affectionate woman looses interest in sex, you need to have an open and honest conversation to find the real reason.

I want a woman who is as strong minded as me. He may have narcissistic qualities. Sex is the strongest driving force for behavior across all species that reproduce sexually, including the upper primates. Let's be clear here; cheating is never justifiable. Woman needs to trust her man to enjoy sex. I have never felt better with a decision that I have made. It's also important to figure out whether the man is just sorry for how he feels or for how his life has been affected, or because it truly hurts him to see his partner hurting. Women largely cheat because they've lost themselves within all of the ways that they give and connect with others.